A little bit of background. I'm a 47yr old single parent (his Dad is about and has him on weekends) and I have ME or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This means I am bed ridden and my 13yr old son is effectively my day to day carer. Obviously this is really tough on him.
However, he has fallen in with a bad crowd at school and is regularly playing with fire and setting things in school on fire. I'm almost certain he's seeking attention. He is extremely bright but dyslexic and struggles in a poor school. He is also a very angry young man with a temper as bad as his father.
We have coped with everything so far (fighting / truancy etc) but this playing with fire has really worried me.
What can I do to stop this? Can anyone suggest any activities (pref cheap/free) he can get involved with to redirect his attention? Any other ideas on why he's doing it?
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Ask your local morgue if he can visit to see the effects on the body through heat / flame / smoke. He won't **** about with matches again!
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let him get burned he will soon stop
Maybe suggest sports, track, baseball, etc. otherwise you may want professional help because that sounds pretty serious.
hehe , cheap shot at the father in there , obviously divorced , this is a stage he will go through , he will either grow out of it or get stuck into it , all you can do is try to avoid his behaviour getting into worse stages , he is a teenager , there brains are elseware till about 21-22 so do all you can to keep guiding him , and never condone his behaviour.
bring him to a burn center......let him see what it can do........
better to let him see it, then you seeing him there. shock value go's a long way.
I think all he needs is LOVE from a parent and YOU are that one. Love him tenderly ... Have some bonding and do not make him a brat like giving him anything to be happy. Give him what he deserves.. I think he's only influenced by his friends. His temper?? hmm.. Just make him realize that you love and care him so much.. good luck.. ;)
He needs some serious professional help. If he dose not he will become a arsonist and possibly a murderer if someone is killed by his doing. GET HIM LOCKED UP IF YOU HAVE TO BEFORE IT IS TO LATE!
For his own good I think you need to report him to the authorities and let them deal with this problem now before something happens and he ends up being arrested. Fire has a way of rapidly getting out of control and people get trapped in them and are killed. This puts a whole different light on arson, it makes it murder.
Your son will probably get extremely angry if he finds out it was you who reported him, however it is for his own good.
Please do not worry yourself, all boys go through a stage like this and also many girls do. He WILL grow out of it and is merely a boysterious thing to do or maybe caused by boredom. You can try talking to him and maybe even show him pictures of people who have been burned badly and ask him if he wants to ruin his body at his age.
Hope this helps
Give the little bugger one round the earhole,a good leathering will do him good!
take him to a firestation and ask them to shock him. looking at pictures will reallly help, trust me. i used to do it and then went on a school trip to a local station. stopped straight away. really scary pictures.
is there anyway a fireman could have a chat with him?
He sounds like he has alot of pressure on him and needs someone outside his normal circle to take him under his wing and give him a short sharp shock- he will learn the hard way otherwise.
Is there an older cousin or friend of the family who could show him the way things are?
Have you had him see a doctor? If he and his dad share anger issues, then he may need one of the meds available to mellow him out. Not certain of which ones would be good, but the doc will know and may send him for some psych consults before the law does. I'd do this immediately.
He's acting out because he's feeling trapped. He needs to see you as his Mom, someone he can go to, someone he can get help from, not have to help. Can you get a caregiver from the help groups in the area?
Getting you better is job 1. Your son is acting out as most teens do, and you will be better equipped to fight it on your feet.
I understand you have ME/CFIDS. So do I, for 13 years now. I'm here to tell you that after 12 years of agony - such as being ready for the end of it all on the day I realized it was too much for me to hold my new grandson... I finally tried cutting certain foods totally out of my diet and for the first time I do not hurt enough to keep me in bed. I only hurt badly enough for meds after a moderate amount of exercise, or sitting still for too long. The most common guilty foods are WHEAT and MILK, neither of which our bodies were designed to digest properly, and neither we need. Following a high protein - low carb diet has given me my life back. No grain products at all, no sugars, no fruit, just meat and low carb veggies. Please give it a try for a couple of weeks. For your sake and your son's. You will be amazed at how much more energy you have after one week.
You can get an Atkins book at the library or buy a used one on Amazon.com for less than $4 including shipping.
Oh, and for the naysayers? My bad cholesterol is down 75 points, myHDL up, and my weight is dropping like crazy.
If a yeast overgrowth is causing your ME, then this will help kill off the yeast.
Also, if your doc has not treated what most likely is your low thyroid, please ask that s/he do so. I've yet to meet anyone with ME who has a ( now understood ) normal TSH of LESS than 3. If yours is anything higher than that, please get your doc to give you some help. Those of us with sensitive systems need to keep our TSH way down to feel better. I listed a great link below to bring to your doc if s/he fights you.
I'm not saying you will stop hurting entirely. As I sit here, I ache in the shoulders because I drove for 2 hrs yesterday. But I am out of bed and having my life back is so worth not eating certain foods. I cannot even explain the joy of carrying around my little grandson and playing with him.
Feel better !!!
see u need to take fr counselling and divert his attension in other... we can suggets 100`s, but u need to find his other intrest and put him there..... this will be good.......
Your son is still a child. He sounds like he is very stressed out,its not your fault but i think being your carer is too much for him. Im 34 and was my nans carer im came close to crumbling.
You need to get another carer who can handle the responsability of looking after you and take the weight off your childs shoulders. You may see a big difference in his behaviour.
Talk to your son and thank him for all he has done, Praise goes a hell of a long way.
for one thing trust mehe aint seeking attention cuz im 13 and im not seeking attention when i get into trouble wich i very often but if u want him to stop all u gotta do is say here gimme the lighter an then if he does get a gas can cover yourself in gas and light yourself up in flames if u love him but then he still probly wont stop if he dont love u wich i wouldnt blame him for if he didnt
burn one of his fingers with matches
after i burned one of my fingers, i stopped going near heat sources
all i can suggest hun is try and talk to him,tell him the dangers of fire not only can it cause death but could end up getting killed himself
Ask him how he'd feel if he was sent away who would look after you, as this is ONLY going to happen if he doesn't stop.he is growing up and needs to learn responsibility
why has he become like this?talking isn't always the answer hun but its worth a try
ask him if he'd like to become a fireman and save lives instead of taking them away(this could be the case if not careful tell him)
good luck
Find out if your local burn unit needs any volunteers. He could be the kid who brings the book cart around. Seeing the patients might just smarten him up.
use them as a guy fawkes
You need professional help, taking into consideration all your other problems. I don`t think this is about redirecting his attention - he obviously has some very serious issues going on here. I would call social services and tell them you need to speak with a social worker asap before this gets out of hand - tell them what`s happening. At his young age he shouldn`t be anybody`s carer - and it`s not your fault he is - it`s this country - all upside down and back to front. His father doesn`t sound like much help - otherwise you wouldn`t be on here asking us. Don`t worry when you ring social services - they won`t take him into care or anything - their job is to keep families together - not split them up. He - and you - need support. Now pick up the phone and get it.
I'm sorry you have ME and probably find it very difficult to join in activities with your son. It's not easy when they get to this age, especially when they fall in with the wrong crowd.
Would you be able to have a talk with his teachers?
Is there a youth club at his school? Have you any sports coaching in your area that he might be interested in?
He needs to express himself without exercising his bad temper. Try to have a good chat to him about how he feels. Or maybe he would chat to his Dad. He needs to get rid of any anger, but setting things on fire is not a way of doing it. It could well be his way of gaining attention, albeit the wrong type of attention.
He needs to channel his energy and attitude away from things that will lead him into deeper trouble. Good luck.
get him to go to the doctors it may be something that is treatable on the nhs, he obviously needs some sort of professional help, maybe some sort of councelling or something, good luck.
why is he angry ?
why is he setting things on fire ?
why is he in with bad crowd ?
why is he fighting/truanting ?
have you %26amp; his dad sat %26amp; spoken to him %26amp; asked him why ?
presume you have done that %26amp; got no joy,
has he got a good mate that maybe you can talk to,to find out if he's mentioned to him/her whats troubling him.
or go to your GP or one of his teachers he gets along with.
you say he's coped with whats happened in his life so far,maybe he's coped on outside but not emotionaly on the inside.
maybe you could get a carer in to give him a break,this is the most important time of his life he wants to be like any other kid out there having fun.
hope everything works out for you %26amp; your son
phone up a local fire station not the emerge number though and ask them with things they do for kids i heard they do things like it now my brother was the same till he set fire to next door garden and burnt there new bikes to bits
Why don't you try contacting your local fire station and see if they have any activities/events for teenagers that are a bit too interested in fire. By teaching them the dangers of fire and how to control them, his interest may be redirected toward a positive interest!
i know you cant get out but arrange for sumone to take him to the local burns clinic and let him see for his self what fire can do and how it can burn!!!!!!!!!!
This is coming from a fire fighter in Mn, There a some programs that may be available in your area for that very issue. Its made for Young Fire Starters and it has been fairly effective. Also if you can intorduce him to some local fire fighters in your area. There is a person I know of that was simmilar to your son in school, he is now one of the best fire fighters and instuctors I know.
Good Luck
This is VERY SERIOUS
This will turn psychotic unless dealt with right now
ie PEOPLE WILL DIE
Councelling and psych evaluation NOW
and also trips to burn wards... contact hospitals you want him in there as they bring in people screaming and worried parents crying as their daughter is disfigured for life and dying... and no holding back.
plus you need a way of channelling that anger or its people next.
its far more then your bad crowd... This is internal
Also you wont like this... but he needs to be burnt say on the hands first degree which will hurt like hell for a month
So he realises what it will do to toehrs.
This does not appear to be the usual interest in more made firecrackers.
I liked trying to make my own but there is somethig very different here
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